Useful Delusion – with a Backfire

In my previous post I talked about playing the numbers game to find good people in your life.

Even after more than a year of mental training, I still forget to watch out for that nasty side effect of consciousness: The need to tell a consistent history. Remember  that the idea that “there is someone in there” is a an illusion (read: Dennet: “Consciousness Explained”). The illusion of “self” is an emergent phenomena from our brains wiring.

Let me explain a bit more: Our brain is receiving a constant flow of information. The processes that create what we call “consciousness” are continuously editing this information – trying to make sense of it. Unfortunately, this “making sense” also include a process that tries to consolidate our experiences with the actions our historical “self” (which is of course, itself an illusion). I have given this “post the fact rationalizing” process a pet name: “my history writer”.

My history writer has been very busy recently. Trying to consolidate events around me with a me-centered universe. Everything has been interpreted as something that directly involves me and has meaning . Sometimes the history writer is so busy that I end up over thinking my own actions before they even happen. The net effect is all to predictable: Inaction and apathy. A vicious cycle of non-action with lots of useless thinking.

I thought that this “small chance  game” was a useful illusion. I even started thinking about giving value but only when getting value back. All this is the history writer speaking. This idea that I have some privileged place in the world – that the world, and interaction with other people, lends itself to perfect predictability. I was of course wrong – this was a silly, useless, over-thinking of the problem. I was too much inside my head – instead of out there playing and having fun.

No, the useful illusion is to pretend there is no history writer. To stop thinking that the world is all about me – and to stop demanding I get something back from it. Perhaps there is a free lunch every now and again – I happily accept that. But I have to stop expecting it – I have to stop listening to the history writer who is continually judging the world around me. I loose nothing from not getting anything back – if nothing is returned, there are other to give to.

Again, I have my friends to thank for getting me out of this delusion of self pity and self centeredness. These people, who are just there to support me, demanding nothing and being brutally honest, well knowing that I like them for it.